Sturgeon repeat is a switch-off
The First Minister's latest Covid update was missing only one thing: an update.
The Nicola Sturgeon Show has had a good run but the latest series is underwhelming. Yesterday’s episode — a virtual Covid update — was a case in point.
The star was moody and visibly impatient with the walk-on parts. Graham Simpson (the Tory MSP, not the Roxy Music bassist) was treated to a blunt exchange of dialogue after asking for Public Health Scotland to pick up the pace in publishing data.
The production budget had obviously been cut, too, which might explain why the First Minister was speaking from the dimly lit studio of an East German TV station in the final days of the GDR. Later, when she read out helpline numbers for the socially isolated, it came across less like a low-budget Red Nose Day and more like an appeal to report neighbours you suspected of sneaking Reeboks and Coca Cola over The Wall.
Worst of all was the script, which was mostly a repeat of the previous episode. So the restrictions on gatherings and household-mixing weren’t changing. Nightclubs were remaining shuttered and Hogmanay was still cancelled. The ten-day self-isolation period, already cut in England, was staying put in Scotland. Sturgeon said officials were 'weighing the risks and benefits of shortening the isolation period for index cases' but these were 'finely balanced judgments and we are considering the current trends in infection carefully'. As such, they 'hope to reach decisions in the next week'.
Take your time, lads. It's only the entire economy you're tanking. We can always tap a tenner off Rishi Sunak if needs be.
Speaking of, amid the rest of the repeats was a return to everyone’s favourite plot twist: it would all be okay if it weren’t for Westminster. Sturgeon reminded everyone her ability to give financial support to businesses was hemmed in by the current devolution funding arrangements. There’s a fairly blatant push on the go to get more borrowing powers devolved to Holyrood under the guise of Covid mitigation. If you like paying more tax as it is, just wait till Kate Forbes gets another national credit card.
The frustration at the pointlessness of the update was palpable. Douglas Ross complained that Sturgeon’s underlying message was ‘tune in again next week’. As cliffhangers go, it's hardly Emmerdale. The Tory leader was also troubled that money meant to reach businesses before Christmas had still to arrive. That'll be a real blow to the SNP's record of delivery. They had gone a full 12 hours without breaking any promises.
Ross's colleague Sandesh Gulhane got in a question about restrictions on football. Gulhane is part of the May intake and, to be honest, I've still not made up my mind about him. He's a bit of a smoothie, a little too enthusiastic and seems to believe in all that business about one person being able to make a difference. Six more months of Holyrood should knock that nonsense out of his head. He's also a working GP and regularly tweets public health messages about alcohol and fatty foods being bad for you and exercise being an important part of your daily routine. I'm all for free speech but no one should be allowed to spread that kind of crazy misinformation on social media.
Dr Gulhane pointed out that Celtic and Rangers fans alike resented being unable to attend matches while bargain-hunters were flooding the shops for the post-Christmas sales.
‘Does the First Minister understand the value the societal role of Scottish football plays in the mental health of hundreds of thousands of people?’ Dr Gulhane asked.
‘Yes, I do understand the importance of sport, football and indeed other spectator sports,’ the First Minister replied, sounding for all the world like she had only just encountered the concept.
Her answer reminded me of a story told by the late barrister-turned-TV cook Clarissa Dickson Wright. She was once counsel in a High Court case during which the actress Diana Dors was referenced. This prompted the old duffer of a judge to lean over the bench and enquire, ‘What are Diana doors?’
Who is this ‘I. Brocks’, you could almost hear the First Minister ask, and is he wearing a face-covering to the football?
Originally published in the Scottish Daily Mail on December 30, 2021.
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